bubble.

Sometimes the bubble pops+you're like 'whaaaaaaa?'

boyfriend.

I haven't had a boyfriend for a while. It's been over four years. I've exclusively dated two guys at various times during those four years who, as it turns out, weren't exclusively dating me. Faithful concubine. That sucked.

Sometimes I wonder what it'd be like to have a boyfriend. The last one I had was Lorelai's dad. And that... well... it felt less like a relationship+more like... I don't know what.

ANYWAY.

I wonder what it'd be like to have a boyfriend. One that's like, "Hey. Wanna be my (only) girlfriend?"

I'm mostly ok being single. There's three instances where, everytime they come up, I yell in my head, "I WISH I HAD A BOYFRIEND!"

• When I have to bring the groceries in from my car. Even then, a boyfriend wouldn't be able to help unless he was around when I was bringing the groceries in.
• When I want ice cream late at night. This is a common occurrence. At least twice a week.
• When I want to cook something that I'm sure Lorelai wouldn't appreciate, but a sweetheart would. I cook for her plenty, but I just don't think she'll enjoy my fish tacos. Mostly cus the sauce I use is spicy. I bet a boyfriend would like them!

I mean. There's other times that a boyfriend would be cool. I'm sure you can imagine when. But those three bullet points above make me wish I had a beau every.single.time.

There's a few hurdles that I need to get over before I could be like, "Ok. I'm changing my Facebook status to In A Relationship." Some of them include:

• Lorelai. Can't have a boyfriend without my kid liking, NAY! Loving him. Also, family. My family is so dope. They need to accept him.
• Time. Space. Boundaries. He's got to respect them. I like alone time. I need it for a lot of reasons. Overshare of time/space/boundaries is not gonna work. I love being in good company, but need to be able to decompress or just chill solo.
• Humor. MUST. BE. FUNNY. And must get my humor. This is a big deal. Hot+unfunny is like being Hot+a whale. Like, wtf am I gonna do with that?!
• Trust. Blahblahblah. I don't have major trust issues, per se. I don't have higher trust expectations for a lover than I do anyone else. But I just want to feel good about things.
• etc. etc. etc.

There are some perks, I imagine, to being my sweetheart. Just cus the relationships with Lorelai's dad+my pseudo-boyfriends crashed+burned doesn't mean that I can't have a successful, happy, fulfilling coupledom with someone, right? Here's just a small fraction of why I'd rock as a girlfriend:

• I rock.
• I have my own sh*t.
• I like to build things.
• etc. etc. etc.

This isn't a personal ad or anything. I think I'm managing the single life ok. Sometimes people in relationships are just so bummed all the time. I don't want that. I just want someone that'll eat my tacos.

i feel you, grrl.

 

dating.

Looks aren't everything, but they are something!

Your ex's new lover or your new lover's ex will be:

• Hecka beautiful - Like a model.
• Hecka looking like the Trash Heap from Fraggle Rock - Like, wha? A friend saw an ex with his newnew+asked, "Does he have low self-esteem or something?"
• Hecka looking just like you - Like, is he casting for a Robert Palmer music video?? Attack of the clones. Good for him, weird for you.
• Hecka regular - In which case you'll try to fit them into one of the categories above for your own selfish comfort.

Point being - If you see your ex with a new lover or your new lover tries to show you an ex, don't look. Or don't care about such things+whatever.

dating.

I DON'T WANT TO LOVE YOU.

I JUST WANT TO LIKE YOU.